Terms and Conditions

Offer exclusive.

Offer valid anytime

for as long as both parties comply.

Contractor not obliged to always be there

(but will be).

No implications of consent to intimacy

of a sexual nature included:

such consent may or may not be granted

as and when the need/your cock arises.

Movie choices to be mutual:

contractor reserves the right to final say.

Contractor reserves the right to anger

if you disrupt her sleep.

Breakfast in bed available on request:

in the event of rain we can stay in bed all day

and have lunch and dinner there too.

I love you. Goodbye.

Two weeks later there was Ben.

I didn't go the distance so after another two weeks

there was Oscar.

Six months later I thought I was doing ok,

but x amount of vodka later

I was doing ok in my workmate's bed.

Several ungratifying hook ups later

I fell for a man from Yorkshire,

briefly.

Last week someone asked me if I could keep a secret,

so we pinky promised

and he kissed me.